By Jared Mercer
Whose evolution?
This is happening to me more and more often. I run, I move, I think from place to place but at each destination there is a sign saying “one way.” So I move on. There is so much I want to do in one day, I wish I didn’t have to go to my stupid job then I could accomplish it all. When I get home there are so many things to do, then my girlfriend will call and demand that I not do them and pay attention to her. There is so much to do that sometimes I have to sit and do nothing and catch my breath. My head spins. I get short of air and feel I need to be where I’m not and that I am not accomplishing enough.
It is impossible to fathom the fathomless space one can run through to nowhere. Just keep moving. Just keep reaching for that nothing, grab it. Feel your fingers reach your palm as your grasp clenches through the nothing and back onto yourself.
Am I writing abstractly or are you reading abstractly? Is this really about how my mind works or yours? I am always so conscious of the reader that does not exist. These are all words on a page that essentially mean nothing. I am in a panic, a frenzy, to do nothing. You are the one who reads these words and creates meaning, I just make caveman markings on a page that are sometimes hard to read as I chisel right through the notebook. *or raise important questions like: when you get a little something stuck in your throat and can’t get it out no matter how much you drink because it’s in your side-throat…What is that? Side-throat? I never learned about that in school.
It is a funny thing to think of – readers that is. Always being aware that maybe someday someone may read into your thoughts that for so long were private. There is also the idea of censorship and would you think differently if you knew someone was listening?
4 Comments
We are here and we are listening.
The angst you are feeling (and I am presuming here) is related to existence or purpose and relevance.
You write therefore you are.
This post is very real for me, I get this feeling all the time. Like I’m not accomplishing enough or I should be doing something with my time. Then there is the whole audience thing of having it on the internet…
Using the internet as a broadcast tool has it’s benefits and drawbacks. Much like everything in life.
Ideas are sent out in this manner to the world with an expectation that the world is listening (reading). However with so much material being broadcast there is a very real danger of none of it being read.
I believe it will be read but the response time can often be at the speed of a snail (mail).
I have a subject for you to write about. In essence, it is a comparison between the industrialization of our food production to the industrialization of western human thought and intelligence.
As our food production embraces the factory system – chickens and cattle loose their worth as animals to become masses of caloric intake.
As our nations become increasingly urbanized, much the same transformation occurs. Humans packed into smaller and smaller cages called cities experience and steadily decrease in individualism – like the chickens and cows.
Control of urban humans is easier and cheaper in cities. How can this be accomplished among the intellectually supercharged?
Impress upon these humans that they are somehow better, more liberated, and thankful to be in their tiny cages, than those living in the natural and independent environs.
A common mantra of the hippies was to get back to the land to lead a more natural and free-thinking life. Could these aged hippies have somehow gotten it right? Can the youth of today be saved from a miserable caged conformity existence when they fully believe life is better in their cage?